Epic win

The history of FAIL.

http://www.slate.com/id/2202262/?fail

And With That, Common Sense Goes Out The Window

Sarah Palin claims that her ability to see Russia from her house qualifies as foreign policy experience. If this reasoning were applied to me, then my ability to see across Bristol Harbor qualifies me to be the Chancellor of Portsmouth, RI.

COURIC: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?

PALIN: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land-- boundary that we have with-- Canada. It-- it's funny that a comment like that was-- kind of made to-- cari-- I don't know, you know? Reporters--

COURIC: Mock?

PALIN: Yeah, mocked, I guess that's the word, yeah.

COURIC: Explain to me why that enhances your foreign policy credentials.

PALIN: Well, it certainly does because our-- our next door neighbors are foreign countries. They're in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia--

COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?

PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We-- we do-- it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where-- where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is-- from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to-- to our state.

It kills me that her dumb ass daughter has the same name as the town I live in. 

I has a Twitter.

And that's all I have to say about that.

To lurk/be lurked: http://twitter.com/johnathanberard

I'm An Angel On A Bar Stool, Has Anyone Seen My Wings?

Since I moved to Bristol, I've been looking for my Cheers. 

When I lived in Providence, I always had a bar I could go to where I knew everyone, knew the bartenders, and knew the bar. I could walk in with no money in my pocket and still be able to put down six beers, purely on the honor system. Until it closed, I had the Decatur, where I could walk in by myself on a Wednesday afternoon, saddle up on a stool, and entertain myself/self-medicate for a few hours. Before that, I had Babe's On The Sunnyside.

I can't seem to find that same thing in Bristol.

This all comes about because I went to the recently-reopened Aiden's last night. It had been closed for renovations for the past 9 months or so, and I was really excited to see what the upgrades had done to the bar. Before closing, Aiden's had been this charming little Irish pub - uneven floors, intricate woodwork, dark- a workingman's bar. Sure, it drew the tourist-types during the summer, but during the off-season, it was a perfect little pub. 

I walked in full of hopes for the little bar. Unfortunately, my expectations were not met. The building that had once been filled with so much ambience and charater was now dull and sterile. Gone was the woodwork and flooring, replaced with stale plainly-stained trim and wainscoting. The walls were painted hospital-white. The barkeeps were subpar... 

I don't understand how someone renovates a bar and actually makes it worse. Sure, everything looks new, and the place smells of fresh varnish, but thecharacter is completely gone. A great little place had been turned in to another cookie-cutter bar, which means my search for a place to become a regular at goes on. 

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go.

So Monday evening I was sitting in French class, trying to figure out just how long it had been since I last took a class in French. Let's do the math - that was seventh grade, that school year was 1992-1993, and I took it in the spring. 15 years. Jesus, 15 FUCKING YEARS. 

It's weird to be taking all these college level classes. In fact, it's weird to be in sort of class class at all. The first few days were strange - I've never had a problem trying something new or starting new chapters in my life - but for some reason, I felt slightly intimidated. The day before I started class, I went to Staples to buy notebooks and folders and things. Everyone else in the store was doing their back-to-school shopping, too, but they were so young. It made me feel so old. I really hadn't felt any anxiety about it up to that point, but suddenly it started to kick in.

Luckily, once I actually got on campus and saw that there were people going through the same things, I started to fall in to the groove, and now, it's like I never took 10 years off between high school and college. My study habits are the same, I've retained my quiz-taking prowess, and I've remembered at surprising amount of math. 

It's weird to talk about it to other people, because they've already done their time. They've got their degrees and have their careers, or they're in school already and have already dealt with all of this nonsense. They're in their PhD programs and studying for bar exams, and I'm taking 100-level math courses. They're done dealing with gen ed requirements and advisors and syllabi and midterms. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm behind - like I've got to catch up. Sometimes it's frustrating. But I know in four years, the playing field will be level again. I've really never been so motivated or optomistic in my life. I'm going to chase this feeling for a while. 

The Weight Of Glory

It's hard to let something go that you've wanted all your life. 

It's hard to make grown-up decisions sometimes. 

It's hard to "sell out." 

But in the end, it is for the better. Of that I am certain.

iPod (Truffle) Shuffle!

I shall now place my iPod on shuffle, listen to each song in its entirety, and then wax philosophical on said songs. We'll go to 15.

And go!

1. The Beatles  Sun King: What a way to open up! The Beatles have, and will continue to be, the best thing that ever happened to music. Everything they did was groundbreaking, and 99.9% of it was absolute brilliance. (Not brilliance: "Revolution #9") 

2. Sparta Breaking The Broken: I feel that Sparta is the red-headed stepchild of At The Drive-In. The Mars Volta gets all the press and all of the critical acclaim and all of the accolades. While they are good, I don't see the hype, especially after the past three sub-par records. Yet, somehow, they get all of the heraldry. (Note: I believe "De-Loused At The Comatorium" is absolute mastery. Everything after that has been self-indulgent wankery.) Meanwhile, Sparta has quietly released three stellar records with minimal fanfare. I bought Porcelain around the time of my 24th birthday. I was supposed to go golfing with a couple friends for said birthday, but I had gone to the bar and gotten obliterated the night before. Somehow, I managed to drive myself to the golf course, but once there, I sat in the car debating on whether or not I could play. The whole time I listened to this record. During the last song on the record, I opened my car door and tottered on the edge of barfing for several minutes. I decided couch > golf and promptly left for the confines of my home. 

3. The Lawrence Arms Fireflies: I'll be waiting with wistful elation/light sleeper, you could make my gloomy day/make this moment worth saving. I will love this band until the day I die. Quick Larry Arms story: I saw them about two years ago in Providence. After they played, I approached Chris McCaughan at the bar to relay my pleasure with their amazing set. Unfortunately, he had too much post-rock whiskey, and was barely vertical. He proceed to let me know that he "hated this town. He loved this town," and that "every time [he] plays here, he plays like fucking shit." So, I bought him another drink, thanked him, and set on my way. AWKWARD.

4. Freedy Johnston Bad Reputation: The first time I ever heard Freedy Johnston, I was 15 years old and working on the riverboat Blackstone Valley Expolorer. Each winter, we, the crew members, would have to prepare the boat for the upcoming tourist season. This consisted of taking everything off the boat - fire extinguishers, benches, life jackets, etc. - stripping the boat clean of paint, and then re-applying the previously stripped paint. After school, I would drive down to a non-descript warehouse in Vally Falls, and for the next few hours, proceed to perform tasks that I'm sure broke every child labor law there was. But at the end of the day, my hands raw from acetone and paint thinner, there's no place in the world I would have rather been. Anyway, this song was on a mix-tape one of the other guys had made (along with The Breeders' "Cannonball," Green Day's "She," and a couple Violent Femmes songs. So strange I remember all of that...) Interesting sidenote - Butch Vig from Garbage played drums on and produced this record. 

5. Taking Back Sunday One-Eighty By Summer: EMO ALERT! This was the soundtrack to my autumn of '04. I was not at a good point in my life during this time, and I can remember sitting on my couch, chain smoking Camel Lights, half-drunk, broke, and listening to Where You Want To Be on repeat. 

6. Saves The Day Firefly: There are two songs on my iPod with the word "Firefly" in the title, and they both popped up within four songs of each other (out of over 10,000). 

7. Mary Lou Lord Ron: Did you know that even though she was signed to a major record label, Mary Lou Lord continued to busk at the Park Street station on the Red Line? Kind of weird. 

8. The Audition Rep Your Clique: One time, I was at Angels And Kings, sitting in a corner having a conversation with my friend Erica, and the lead singer of this band came over to join our dialogue. We had a really nice chat with him. JUST KIDDING, he actually peed in the corner right next to me after we had both expressed our disgust to him. True story. 

9. Turbonegro Don't Say Motherfucker, Motherfucker: DON'T SAY MOTHERFUCKER, MOTHERFUCKER! I fucking love Turbonegro. 

10. Lucinda Williams Concrete And Barbed Wire: She is our generation's Johnny Cash. Less the metamphetamines. I don't normally listen to country. Like AT ALL. But there's something about Lucinda that gets to me.  Maybe it's because she's so completely heartbreaking and emotional, like a country version of Chris Carraba, but more talented than Conor Oberst. Top 5 Lucinda songs:

1. "Side Of The Road" (from Lucinda Williams)
2. "Right In Time" (from Car Wheels On A Gravel Road)
3. "Essence" (from Essence)
4. "Still I Long For Your Kiss" (from Car Wheels On A Gravel Road)
5. "World Without Tears" (from World Without Tears)

11. Paul Simon Diamonds On The Soles Of Her Shoes: "She's got diamonds everywhere! Even on the soles of her shoes!"

12. Hot Rod Circuit Consumed By Laziness: A severely underrated record. A severely underrated band. Get in to HRC. 

13. Screeching Weasel I Hate Your Guts On Sunday: This song is on the brilliantly titled How To Make Enemies And Irritate People, which features Mike Dirnt playing bass, post-Dookie success. There's a noise right before the first song on the album, and my friend John and I have have spent years debating whether or not that sound is indeed flatulence. I wish someone would clear this up for me. 

14. Less Than Jake Krazy Glue: The first time I re-merchandised and rewired the live room at Guitar Center, it took me four straight 10-hour days. I listened to this record on repeat the entire time. That's not a joke. That's like 12 times a day. To this day, whenever I hear a song off Losing Streak, I can still smell the brand new carpeting that covers the sides of a Yamaha speaker cabinet. 

15. Fall Out Boy Golden: I think this song is completely unnecessary and it's completely indulgent and does not add anything to an erstwhile amazing record. I skip it every time, and will continue to do so. 

Lipstick On A Pig.

The other day some of the fellas from work and I decided we wanted Chinese for lunch. So we headed down to the newest purveyor of Asian cuisine, Khoo's Kitchen on Charles Street, for some sustenance. It was some of the best takeout Chinese I have had in a very long time (read: I didn't have stomach convulsions after I ate. In fact, I rather enjoyed my meal.) The best part, though, was the the fortune inside the fortune cookie at meal's end. It read:

The will of the people is the best law.

How appropriate for me to get that fortune now, what with all sorts of electoral contests happening across the state and nation. But there was a deeper meaning to this fortune, and it took a day to reveal itself to me.

Yesterday afternoon, I braved the spontaneous deluge to trek up College Hill to vote in the primary elections. When I got to my polling place, I parked my car and walked around the corner, hoping I wouldn't have to wait in line too long (it was my lunch break, after all). I stepped through the threshold and was instantly met with applause from the five volunteers working the polling location. Apparently, they hadn't had a voter in over 45 minutes and they were beginning to worry. 

"What number am I today?" I asked with quzzical concern. 

The lady trying to find my sticker looked up through her too-big-for-her-head glasses and spoke softly in response: "Thirty-seven."

It was 1:30 in the afternoon. Polls opened at 7:00 AM. That's 5.7 voters per hour. Which is less than lackluster- it's pathetic. I spoke to my friend who was deeply entrenched in a campaign in Woonsocket, and she said that their was a weak turnout all across the state. Which frankly saddens me a bit. 

True, it's called a "right" to vote, which means that it is something that can be exercised and not mandatory, but it really is our civic duty to be active participants in our presents and futures. Even though this election wasn't as prominent on the public radar (apparently, there's some other big important race going on right now...), it's still equally as important. The outcomes of this election will determine national and local policies for years to come. Granted, it was raining, and many of the primary candidates ran uncontested or were in races that were going to be landslides, but I still don't see that as an excuse.  Some people in other countries wait in line for hours, or brave constant threat of violence or death, yet still manage to cast their vote. Yeah, it's the same line your mother gave you when you didn't want to finish your dinner: "You know, some children in other countries don't have anything to eat..." But in a way, it makes sense.

Lethargic voters are as much to blame for "business as usual" as self-serving policymakers (I'm speaking in generalizations here, of course) are, and if there's a public call for change, well, head to the polls and make it happen. We all have a voice, and when we choose to not use it, it affects everyone around us. 

I guess my whole reasoning behind this is because I cannot even fathom the fact that some registered voters will not vote in the upcoming presidential election. This is perhaps the single most important presidential race of our lives. This is our '60. Barack Obama has issued a call for change, and he is doing his part by changing the way he runs his election. In fact he had this to say about the way John McCain and his Republican machine are run their election and their machine:

"...I love this country too much to let them take over another election with lies and phony outrage and Swift Boat politics. Enough is enough."

We should all feel this way about our country. Especially now. I don't think I could personally deal with another four years of mismanagement and deceit.  That's why I, and millions of others, are an active part of this campaign. Because right now, contrary to what my fortune proclaimed, the law of the land is not the will of its' people. So I'm going to do my part in changing that. I'm going to vote. And so should you.

Change We Can Believe In

Sometimes when I head out of work during mid-day, I can't be bothered to fire up the old iPod, so I'll turn the dial to The Buddy Cianci Show on 630 WPRO. I'm a huge fan of Buddy, and while I disagree with him often, his no-holds-barred, shoot-from-the-hip style appeals to me greatly. Plus, he's Buddy, which rules.

So today I had to run some errands, so I dialed Buddy up while I did so. To my dismay, Buddy was not on air. Turns out he's winging his way back from Minneapolis, where he's been reporting from all week. In his stead was a gentleman named Moe (I can't seem to find what his last name is, but as soon as I do, I'll edit), who was taking calls. Buddy is usually pretty moderate and non-partisan towards both issues and his callers - if he disagrees, he'll let it be known - but after listening for a few minutes, it became clear that this Moe character had a clear lean to the right. "Whatever," I thought. I figured I could deal with it for the duration of my short drive.

A few calls in, an older gentleman who lived in "the most liberal city in a very liberal state" came on the air. He proceeded to state that he had several "normally liberal" friends who all refuse to vote for Barack Obama in the upcoming election. When asked why, he proceeded to claim that they had no idea who Barack Obama was. They "didn't know his qualifications, where he came from, or what he stands for," but they know John McCain. He's an American hero. They were going to vote for him. And our friend Moe nodded along in agreement.

And here's where I started shouting at my radio.

First of all, how is it possibly, in this day and age with the internet and 24-hour news cycles and the Daily Show for someone to not understand a candidate? You don't know where Barack Obama comes from? He wrote two fucking books about his background and the experiences that helped to shape him. Don't feel like thumbing through all those pages? Okay, well Newsweek has you covered. Last week's issue contained an extensive feature that gave a great crash course history of Obama's past. Or, you know, you could just Google it. You don't know Obama's stance on the issues? Try this. You don't understand Obama's voting record? Try this.

I know why I'm voting for Barack Obama. But I also know why I'm not voting for John McCain. I know what John McCain stands for. And I don't agree with it. A McCain presidency would be an absolute disaster. And I feel confident in saying that. Why? Because I've done my research. I've made an informed decision. I didn't just sit back and allow myself to be overcome with hype as so many potential voters have. I did my homework. I wish I could say the same for many of these people. I am all for bipartisanship and differences of opinion. I think you should vote for who you think is the best candidate. But that vote should be an informed decision. There should be substance behind it. It's said that "knowledge is power," and it scares me that so many will be casting votes in November without that knowledge.

Your unelectable, OH!

This Sarah Palin nonsense gets better and better each day, to the point where it is now utterly face-palm inducing. With each story that hits the media, my confidence in a Democratic victory grows a little more, especially after reading the following nugget on The Daily Dish. I really didn't know much about Palin's record previous to her governorship, but now that I do, I'm in disbelief that the GOP selection committee could pick someone so absolutely atrocious and disgustingly evil.

Here's a sampling:

While Sarah was Mayor of Wasilla she tried to fire our highly respected City Librarian because the Librarian refused to consider removing from the library some books that Sarah wanted removed. City residents rallied to the defense of the City Librarian and against Palin's attempt at out-and-out censorship, so Palin backed down and withdrew her termination letter. People who fought her attempt to oust the Librarian are on her enemies list to this day.

The rest of the article is here: http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/09/an-wasillan-on.html#more

Google Chrome

Get in to it.

Here's the explanatory webcomic.

You Know You Make Me Want To Say So Long...

...You know you make me want to say goodbye...

I love Around The Horn. It's a great show for sports fans (such as myself) who want to hear all the news of the day from a couple different viewpoints, but don't have time to root through ESPN.com, SI.com, The Boston Herald, etc. searching for pointed opinions. There are two things I hate about ATH, though: Woody Paige and his dumbass chalkboard, and Jay Mariotti.

Mariotti always has something to say, yet never says anything. He is constantly lambasting players, coaches, and owners, yet it is rarely constructive. I think his commentary is mostly to hear himself talk, and I, along with all the other panelists quickly tire of it. In fact, I usually don't watch if he's on.

"What's the point of all this?" you ask. Well, after 17 years, Mariotti resigned from his position at the Chicago Sun-Times. Upon his departure, the Times issued this gem, perhaps the funniest press release I've ever read:

"The Chicago Sun-Times had the best sports section in the city before Jay Mariotti came to town -- that's why he signed up with us -- and his departure does not change that.

We still have the stars -- respected veterans such as Rick Telander, fiery newcomers such as Greg Couch, quirky voices like Carol Slezak, not to mention seasoned beat reporters tracking the Cubs and White Sox toward their eventual collision in the World Series, plus the Bears, the Bulls, the Blackhawks, and all the other teams that make Chicago the sports center of the nation. We could have a World Series in Chicago in a couple of months ... talk about excitement!

The Chicago Sun-Times and suntimes.com will continue to have the scores and the stories before anyone else, anywhere, and the deepest and most comprehensive stats and standings. We wish Jay well and will miss him -- not personally, of course -- but in the sense of noticing he is no longer here, at least for a few days.

A paper, like a sports franchise, is something that moves into the future. Stars come and stars go, but the Sun-Times sports section was, is and will continue to be the best in the city."

Original Source - Poynter

Lost.fm

I just logged in to my last.fm to install the scrobblah on my new MacBook. Apparently, I was on hiatus.

Your New Favorite Blog

http://renz-o.blogspot.com/